Since I'm going to the US soon, I had to apply to the ESTA. (Electronic System for Travel Authorization). Below the fields for personal information, we are asked the following questions:

1) Do you have a physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict; or do you currently have any of the following diseases: *
  Yes     No
Chancroid
Gonorrhea
Granuloma Inguinale
Leprosy, infectious
Lymphogranuloma venereum
Syphilis, infectious
Active Tuberculosis
2) Have you ever been arrested or convicted for a crime that resulted in serious damage to property, or serious harm to another person or government authority? *
  Yes     No
3) Have you ever violated any law related to possessing, using, or distributing illegal drugs? *
  Yes     No
4) Do you seek to engage in or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities, espionage, sabotage, or genocide? *
  Yes     No
5) Have you ever committed fraud or misrepresented yourself or others to obtain, or assist others to obtain, a visa or entry into the United States? *
  Yes     No
6) Are you currently seeking employment in the United States or were you previously employed in the United States without prior permission from the U.S. government? *
  Yes     No
7) Have you ever been denied a U.S. visa you applied for with your current or previous passport, or have you ever been refused admission to the United States or withdrawn your application for admission at a U.S. port of entry? *
  Yes     No
8) Have you ever stayed in the United States longer than the admission period granted to you by the U.S. government? *
  Yes     No

Do they really expect people to respond honestly? If they want to find out my plans for mass genocide, they'll have to try harder than that. Ditto for my long career of tactical espionage.
Do you think they'll mind my marijuana farm back home?

And I'll have to keep my secret of mass PTC sabotage behind locked doors. 

Does that mean I have to grow my mustache?